Early in the morning, around 5 AM, the pain in my lower right rib cage woke me up. Everyday is getting harder and harder. Pains are getting more severe and my arms are starting to get numb every morning. I always wake up so early, won't get up in the bed, and just turning, tossing around and just enduring the pain.
I really have no idea what's really going on with me. I can't stop thinking about my old state 3 weeks ago, just before these things started to kick in. The pain in my lower rib cage just started yesterday and it's really really painful. It's not a normal dull pain but a stabbing one. In addition to that, every morning, I get this muscle cramps as if my arms and legs are starting to get numb and in time, I wouldn't be able to feel them.
Frankly, I wish that every night, I would fall to my eternal sleep. Not wishing for death but for the end of all the suffering and pain.
Everyday for me is torture and yet I'm just trying to enjoy every moment of it. I always look and enjoy my parent's smile, my sister's voices, my brother's rantings, every moment that I could spend with them.
My memory is getting poorer, in addition to these things that are already a problem. I kept on forgetting little stuff. Sometimes, I keep on forgetting where I put my phone, the person I talked to the phone, and some things that needed to be done.
I don't know if what I am going through right now is life-threatening or not. But as just what I've said earlier, I'm just enjoying every moment of it and just trying to endure the pain an not mind it at all.
We'll never know when will be the time that God will call us, that includes myself. I guess God really have plans for us and we just have to deal whatever he gives us. I guess God is trying to make me stronger or even preparing me to leave this mortal world. We really wouldn't know for sure. Let's just hope for the best and prepare for the unexpected.
With these thoughts on my mind, I still have one question. "What's really going on with me?"
0 comments: