Facing another day. Again, pain woke me up early this morning, around 4:30 AM. I know that I always complain about the pains and stuff, but how can't you if you feel and suffering from it. I was tossing and turning around again. Can't go back to sleep and just thinking and wishing that the pain would be gone.
My arms and legs were feeling weird this morning. It was really painful and I really have no idea what's going on. I'm going through this everyday. I know that this may sound a little bit off and not right, but sometimes, I wish that I would never wake up and just rest. The pain would be gone along with the suffering.
Again, pains are getting severe each day. More painful and appears everywhere. Back, sides, chest, neck, legs, arms...you name it. Going to sleep and waking up is the hardest part of the day. It's where the pains are kicking in more.
As I was discerning about some thoughts yesterday, I kinda accepted that Death is really inevitable and sometimes, unexpected. We would die eventually and we will never know when it will happen. It could be an accident, a disease, or whatever that can end your life.
I'll be having my next appointment to the psychiatrist this coming Wednesday and I hope that she can really find out what's going on with me. I think I'm already over with the anxiety and depression that people kept on telling me that I have it. They just can't get over the fact that I'm really in pain and enduring it everyday is never easy.
What if they're wrong? What if we, including myself, kept convinced that what I'm going through right now is psychological and in the end, it never is. That this disease/illness is worst enough for it not to be cured. Being a hypochondriac, I've diagnosed myself to a lot of illness. Cancer, Hepatitis, MS, Gall stones, Liver complications...and a lot more. So what if it really turns out to be one of those? I guess we can't do anything about it anymore. So right now, I'm just preparing myself for what's to come. If I get better, then I would be really grateful. If not, then it's alright too, at least I would no longer suffer. God has his own plans for everyone of us and whatever it is, I know it's for the best.
Questions are still coming in. Will I be able to go through this year? Will I be helpful to other people and be "someone" to them? Have I finished my purpose in this world and God is already preparing me to go to the next life? Will I be able to witness what's to come on 2012? Will I ever reach my dreams and fulfill my goals? Will I be able to travel around the world and see its wonders?
Yes, a lot of questions that needs an answer, and I'm still on my way to find it out....
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